Bearing It All (Alpha Werebear Shifter Paranormal Romance) Read online

  Overhead, the fat, yellow moon, laid a path that seemed to run between me and Crag, but the second he killed the engine on his bike was the last time I bothered looking at anything else.

  His quiet intensity made my entire being quiver. “H... hey there,” I said. “Nice to see you.”

  Crag didn’t answer. Instead, he flashed half a grin that curled up at the corner of his mouth. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he said.

  To the point, I thought, giggling a little and blushing despite myself. I like to the point.

  “You too,” I said. “Er, I mean, not gorgeous, but...”

  In four huge steps, he closed the distance between us and swept me up in his massive arm. Crushed against his chest, I took a breath. His leathery, spicy scent filled my nose and a second later, the warmth of his mouth filled my soul.

  “Oh,” I gasped, when he pulled away. “Oh my goodness!”

  “I didn’t think about anything else all day,” Crag said. “I had two fights tonight. Couldn’t tell you who they were against.”

  “Isn’t,” I paused, giggling nervously and curling one of his shaggy locks around my finger. “Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, not knowing what’s going on and—”

  He grabbed the back of my head between both of his huge hands, and tilted my head upward. I drank him in – his dark brown eyes, the dark, rough stubble all over his cheeks and chin – and then let my gaze fall on his tattoos.

  “What are these?” I asked him, running my finger along the one on the left side of his face. Up close I could see that they were very, very intricate designs with all kinds of things drawn into them. “They’re a lot more delicate than I remember.”

  “They’re for my brother,” Crag said. “The one on the left has his name in it. And all the swirling things are designs he made. Things from my clan, or I guess, our clan, used to be. Kind of like the bear version of a coat of arms.”

  I had not expected things to get so serious so quickly.

  “Did something happen to him?” I asked.

  He grunted.

  “Oh,” I caught myself. “If it’s not something you want to talk about, that’s fine. I didn’t mean to get all personal. I always ask too many questions. But... this is going to sound really weird. You relax me. For some crazy reason, you make my nerves feel a little less frazzled. It makes me, uh, want to get to know you more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

  Crag shook his head. Almost immediately, I went from wishing I hadn’t asked to really glad I did. His intensity just burned straight through me. His skin was so hot, and the smoldering gaze on his face so penetrating, that I felt like we were being a lot more intimate than just standing in a parking lot and talking.

  “If I didn’t want to answer,” he said, his voice almost a growl, “I wouldn’t have answered. My brother, yeah, he’s dead. It’s been,” he trailed off, like he was trying to remember. “It’s been a while. I try not to think about it too much. I get strength from him when I need it, or from his memory.”

  “Like when you fight?” I asked.

  He shook his head again, never taking his eyes off me. “No,” he said. “I never need help with that. I only need help with things I can’t figure out.”

  “Like what?”

  “Things that I don’t understand on my own. Things I feel like I need help with, you know?” he ran his thumbs along the sides of my face. “Like you.”

  Oh my God did my knees just about turn into water. What on earth had I done to get this guy? If there was a diagram a million miles long, and on one side was Reid and on the other, this guy, two bears could not possibly be more different. Reid was loud and angry and proud with no reason to be. Crag was a thousand times more intense. It just pulsed off him in waves. But he wasn’t loud. He wasn’t bombastic and full of brags.

  Thinking about it, Crag wasn’t much like anyone I’d ever met.

  “How did I never know you? You grew up here, we left town around the same time. How did we never come across each other?” I asked, running my hand along one of the lines in Crag’s forearm as he held me tight.

  He took a deep breath, his chest flexing against mine. I could have stood there feeling his breathing forever and not gotten tired of it. Or well, maybe I would have liked to feel him breathe against me with a little less clothing...

  “Bears,” he said. “The Morgan bears. We keep to ourselves. Even more than most bears, but... that’s just kind of our little thing. Hey,” his voice turned up a little in pitch, like he was getting excited about something. “That’s all history though. This is right now. You and me, this is the present.”

  He had this way of saying things that just made me tremble. A combination of his deep, booming voice, the softness of his speaking, and the way he kept flexing his massive chest against me had me just about ruined by the time he pulled me toward his huge motorcycle.

  “Speaking of your name,” I said with a grin. “Is it really Crag?”

  Shaking his head from side to side, Crag smiled. “That’s one of them.”

  “Huh?”

  “Bears, you know, we have a lot of names. Morgan is my family name, Crag is my common name – the one people call me. I got it because I was born bigger than anyone ever at Jamesburg General, and they figured it was a good one. I have other names too, but we bears believe that your names are sacred things, only for people you trust.”

  He leaned close and whispered one word into my ear. “Ash.”

  “That’s... your name?”

  Crag – Ash, I mean – nodded. “Don’t tell anyone. Keep it between us, all right?”

  I got a very serious look on my face, like I’d just been given a great secret. Solemnly, I nodded. “I will,” I said.

  “It isn’t that serious,” he said, laughing. “But it’s one of those things. I only give it to people who I trust.”

  I cocked my head and opened my mouth open slightly. “But... me?”

  “Don’t ask,” he said. “Anything I say would just be made up. The first time I saw you, off in that crowd last night, and then again at Lex’s place... I’ve never felt like that before. Never. I don’t know how, but I know you’re something special.”

  I had no idea how to respond. I just stared at him, dumbly, and blinked.

  “Come on,” he said. “We’ve wasted enough time. I gotta get going early, so we gotta make the most of tonight.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked. “Oh also I’ve never been on a... Oh!”

  The motorcycle roared to life underneath me, throbbing and thumping as I squeezed it with my thighs. I wrapped my arms around Crag’s rock-hard stomach, and held on for dear life.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said, snarling a grin. He spun the bike in a circle and the back wheel screamed before we launched. “I’ve had some practice.”

  The air whipping through my hair was a revelation.

  The throbbing, thumping, pounding rhythm between my legs matched my speeding heart. Before long, we were outside of Jamesburg, and right in the middle of nowhere.

  “Where are you taking me?” I asked, not really caring, when we pulled off onto the side of the road.

  He smiled. “Place I used to go all the time as a kid. I always wanted to take someone special out here, but...”

  I cocked my head, feeling very fox-like as I did. “But what?” I asked.

  “But I never found anyone special.”

  I was damn near on fire. All I could do was smile like an idiot.

  “Hold on again,” he said. “And keep smiling. You’re gorgeous when you smile. And this is going to be bumpy.”

  -8-

  Violet

  “Bumpy” didn’t even begin to describe our slow climb up the side of Ash’s favorite little mountain. The irony of going up a mountain with a guy who professionally went by “Crag” was in no way lost on me, but the thrill in my stomach, the little trill between my legs, worked together to keep me occupied with other thoughts.

  But there was, in eve
ry small thing he said, every word we exchanged, a sense of hurried urgency behind his voice. I couldn’t place it – and I didn’t really want to ask about it – but I certainly noticed.

  There was a trail, but it was hard to call it much more than a glorified walking path. The higher we climbed, slowly and carefully on the giant road hog Crag called a bike, the more excited I got.

  The anticipation was just about killing me by the time we crested the hill and this huge bear swung his foot out and propped the bike on the kickstand.

  “Come on,” he said, taking my hand as he stepped off. “It’s not far from here, but I want to walk.”

  Wordlessly, I followed his lead. To my credit, I only stumbled once trying to get off the huge bike, and to his credit, he just cocked one of his grins instead of laughing at me. “Come on,” he said again, softly, almost growling.

  “Where are we going?” I asked him, squeezing his hand and hopping up to, and then over, a rock.

  “You’re good at that,” he said in his slow, deep voice. “Why not just go around it?”

  It was my turn to grin. “You have your giant arms and inhuman strength, right? Well, I’ve got balance.”

  He cocked an eyebrow.

  “Most of the time,” I said, unable to stifle a little laugh. “I guess you got me a little distracted.”

  “Yeah?” he asked. “You weren’t very hard to chase if all it took was a ride up a mountain.”

  I chewed my lip, hard enough that the pain kept me from saying anything, When I was just about to reconsider and open my mouth, I dug one of my pointy canines in harder and clenched my eyes.

  I wasn’t going to give in. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let this guy break my heart like Reid or the one before him, or even Lex had done. God, Lex was so long ago, but it still hurt. Henry was right, of course. Henry was always right. I had to keep my head on straight. Falling for some pit fighter? A pit fighter who was leaving in the morning? That was the stupidest thing I could do.

  “I can’t do this,” I said, stopping in my tracks.

  Ash stopped too. “Do what?” he asked. “The walk? We’re almost there. I have a place I like to go when I,” he trailed off. “Or I guess I did have a place. Back before I left.”

  He dismissed it with a shrug. “No reason to get all emotional about it now,” he said. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me, but the way he was going, I wasn’t going to stop him. “Sometimes things just happen. Can’t help that. Not now.”

  Ash tugged me along after him again, and I went for a few more steps before I dug in my heels.

  “No,” I said. “It isn’t the walk. It’s you, it’s... I mean it’s not you you, it’s me. I’m the problem.”

  Still looking straight ahead, the huge man beside me stopped too and let his hand fall limply to his side. “Is it who I am? I mean... what I do? It isn’t glorious,” he said, “but it is a living. Decent one too. Mostly.”

  Again, I shook my head.

  Why am I completely incapable of having a dumb one night stand with a hot guy?

  “It isn’t that, either,” I said. “Actually I think that’s pretty cool. I guess, really, I’m worried about all those kidnappings, and all that stuff.” It was a lie, but a believable enough one.

  A grunt was Crag’s answer. “Bad thing,” he followed with a second later. “Didn’t you say you knew one of them?”

  “Knew?” I asked. “No one’s said anything about anything happening to them.”

  “Right, yeah,” Crag said. “Sorry, I just assumed. You’re right though. The police came by the other day and hung out around the trailers. It was strange. They seemed like they knew something, but then they just kind of left.”

  I kicked a rock about six inches and then looked back at him. “Why though?”

  He shrugged. “New people in town, I guess. Who knows? Anyway, ready to get up there?” he pointed to a little hill. “I really want to show this to you.”

  Something in the way he answered was strange. Dismissive, even, of something that was pretty serious.

  “They did start before you guys were in town, I guess,” I said absent mindedly.

  There was a bit of chill settling into the nighttime air, but not enough that I was uncomfortable. Still, I trembled slightly. Ash noticed, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  It was so... so comfortable, so real and so good. “Is that,” I started and then interrupted myself. “Thanks,” I said finally. I snuggled against him, imagining what it’d feel like to be this near when he was all covered in thick fur.

  “What’s it like having to hide all the time?” I asked.

  “You mean the bear thing?” he took a deep breath. “It’s... hard. But that’s life. Ever since my first attempt at a career outside the cage fell apart, I’ve been searching. Trying to find my way.” He turned those smoldering eyes toward me. “I think I finally have.”

  For a few more moments we just walked, silently making our way to the top of the hill. I was thinking about what he said, but Ash felt so distant, like he was a million miles away from where we were.

  We crested the hill and I gasped. “Oh my,” I whispered. “This is...”

  Spreading out before me was a thing I’d never even knew existed. In my nearly thirty years in Jamesburg, minus the couple I was off at school, I thought I’d seen everything.

  “How did you find this place?” I asked, still breathless.

  My eyes swept over the dimly-lit drop off and the creek below. It was more of a river, really, with ebbs and flows, eddies and little whirlpools. I focused on the rocks, on and a little deer bent over taking a drink. Past the creek was another drop. The whole thing looked like we were standing in the middle of the stars.

  Looking past the creek, I saw no more land – just the infinite stretch of space, pin-pricked with stars.

  “I wander a lot,” he said. “Always have. Probably always will.”

  I felt his hand envelop mine. “You like the view?”

  “Like it?” I asked. “It’s... I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

  “I love your eyes when they do that,” he said.

  When I looked in Crag’s direction, I realized he was just staring at me. “My eyes?” I asked. “What about them?”

  “It’s lonely, being the only shifter I can trust all the time,” he said.

  Suddenly, I realized why I was able to see so well. I let my guard down enough to start changing. My eyes had gone pale, my pupils grew. I was starting to become my true self right in front of this guy I’d met approximately once.

  “Sorry,” I said quickly, blinking. “I didn’t mean to do that, I—”

  Ash – it still felt a little weird to know his real name, but at the same time it felt so right to know – grabbed my wrists and turned me to face him. He interrupted me before I could say that it wasn’t out of embarrassment but out of self-preservation that I wanted to keep up my guard. Somehow I don’t think it mattered.

  “Never apologize for who you are,” he whispered. “Never say you’re sorry for the way you are. I want you to be you around me. If...”

  “If what?” I asked.

  Here we go, I thought. Here we go, I’m about to fall for this guy. I’m already falling for him. Shit, it isn’t like it didn’t happen the first time I saw him.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “I just... I want you the way you are.”

  A playful thought flashed through my mind. “You do?” I asked, stepping back twice from him, but still keeping my hand in his. “You sure you want me the way I am?”

  Ash grinned. “More than anything,” he said. “Hey! Wait!”

  Two more steps back was all I needed. I don’t know what the hell overcame me, but the next second I was running for a little bunch of undergrowth ten feet or so from where we were standing.

  “Where are you going?” he called after me.

  I crouched in the bushes, shook off my clothes and stuck them in my purse.
Then, I hung that around my neck. I giggled, just shivering with anticipation. My bright red fur tickled as it covered me. The black that came out of my forearms made me wiggle. When my tail popped out and went all fluffy, I swished it back and forth a couple of times to make sure everything worked.

  A second later, the bushes rustled, and a very large, and very confused, Ash poked his head through.

  “What’s going... oh...” a grin spread across his face. “Is this what I think it is?”

  “Well,” I said, in my husky, fox voice. “It’s whatever you think it is. Except...”

  “Except what?” he asked, calling after me as I ran.

  As I burst out of the bushes and took off toward the creek below us – the creek that looked like it hovered on the edge of reality and a dream – I called back. “You have to catch me first!”

  Behind me, Ash bellowed with laughter and I heard soft fabric tearing. I heard jeans unzip and I almost keeled over, surprised at how much I wanted him.

  But... was it really a surprise? No, not really, I had to admit to myself. Ever since the first time I saw him I wanted this big, mountain of a bear to hold me, to cover me, to... to take me.

  Then, a roar exploded that shook me from my core all the way to my toes. The way he made me feel deep inside, the way my whole body trembled when I thought about him... I’d never been like this before, not once in my entire life.

  With Reid, I’d always been a little withdrawn. With Lex I was wild and crazy. Neither was really me. Neither of them – or any of my other string of failed boyfriends – ever seemed to care much for flawed, funny, giggly, sometimes-nervous, curvy, Violet.

  And then I met this guy.

  Heavy breathing was coming up behind me quick, and a thundering chorus of huge footsteps. Every time Ash’s paws hit the ground, a bunch of leaves crackled and at least one stick broke.

  I chanced a quick look back and stumbled over a rock. I never stumble.

  If he was big as a man, almost unbelievably so, he was monstrous as a bear. His shoulders were so wide that three of me would fit. His massive head was probably the size of my chest.